I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
