At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
