I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
