after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
