she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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