It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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