and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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