so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
