We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize