I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
