That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
