He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
