i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
