Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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