My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
