We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
