:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
