is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
