Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
