We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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