she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
