I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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