just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize