What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
