You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
