i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
