i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
