Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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