thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's the barista slut.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
