At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize