I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
