Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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