that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
