So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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