Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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