Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize