How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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