We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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