The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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