someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You left your phone here
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