Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
