The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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