No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
