I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
