Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
