I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
