I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
