I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The struggles of a small town man whore
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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