you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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