Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
