If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
