As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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