so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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