Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
