DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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