Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
