the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
