Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
