its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
