I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
