he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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