well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
