Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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