Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
