y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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