Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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