walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
