You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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