I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
