shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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