You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Four minutes until I can fart!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
