Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
