Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
