My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
