A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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