I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
